Driving lessons for dummies

Here is a little tip for you people out there on the highways and byways. Should you see a person getting over to get out of the way of an accident don't jump around them to cut them off and try to budge your way in front of them. What did you gain? One car length in front of the person you just pissed off. Only to find your self three car lengths behind that person you cut off because your texting you girlfriend of the great deal you found at the last over crowded store you just left. Your dumb ass is most likely going to end up in the next crash that holds up traffic for the next hour.

Hey if you can't walk and chew gum then don't drive and text. Those of you that think they can multitask, here is a news flash for you...YOU CAN'T. So quit trying. Stop and think before you kill yourself or worse you kill someone else. What I really want to do with you dummies is shove that cell phone up your ass and see if you text when you fart.

Thanksgiving morning from Hell

Let me paint a picture for you it Thanksgiving morning and you and your wife get out of bed. You sit down on the couch and turn on the tube to watch the parade and the football game. Your wife goes in the kitchen to start dinner for you and your guests. She puts the bird in the oven and goes in sit down with you for a few minutes the power goes out. You get up and check you fuse box... Nope all fine. You go out side and see a neighbor and just before you ask him he asks you.

"Your power out?"

You go back in the house get you cell phone and call the power company (in this case one in Florida). After you go through the computer and get to a real person (it is Thanksgiving) twenty minutes have gone by. This is what you are told.

Over a THOUSAND customer in your area are without power this morning.
We have crews in the area working on the problem.
It maybe 10:30 or so before your powers back on.

True story I couldn't help but laugh at the woman on the line. I asked her if she just told me that a THOUSAND people are not going to be able to cook their dinner till 11:00 or 12:00. She apologized for the inconvenience. I told her that i really feel sorry for the poor fool that got to be out fixing the power to a THOUSAND people on Thanksgiving Day. What was the worst was the flippant way the woman spoke to me, just like it was an everyday thing.

Traviling tip for the Christmas Season

When you go to your bank and get your travling money, and the teller asks you; "How would you like that." Reply in kind and say "Why gold please." After a few seconds of enjoying the shocked look or the reply that they don't have any gold. Let the girl off the hook and offer to take the federal reserve note in increments of tens and twenties. and get nothing larger then a twenty.

Believe it or not your going to come a cross and fueling station that will want you ID, address, and phone number to take a fifty or one hundred federal reserve note. They all say "THIS NOTE IS LEGAL TENDER FOR ALL DEBTS, PUBLIC AND PRIVET"(I've checked). That mean I should be able to spend a one just as conveniently as a fifty. Guess not our privacy must be invaded first. I say they wont take them with out asking me for a Social Security (SS-Hitler? just say-n) number, then I won't take them from the bank.

Wishing you a Happy Thanksgivinig

OK that's it I have had it...I don't want to be wished "HAPPY
HOLIDAYS". Which one? Really there is New Years, Dr. Kings
Birthday, Elvis' Birthday, Valentines Day, Veterans Day, Memorial
Day, St. Patric's Day, May Day, Labor Day, Halloween, Thanks Giving,
Kawansa (forgive me If I miss spelled it.), Hanukkah, Christmas,
Mothers Day, Grand Parents day, Fathers day, Leap year, Birthdays,
Anniversaries and on and on. Do me a favor...PICK
ONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hey if you get it wrong your not going to offend me. But guess what
you are going to offend someone at some point in your life (I am
probably doing so right now.). They are going to get on with their
life don't worry. Its not like they are going on a killing spree for
it. People need to lighten up, if they are truly having a happy
holiday then they wont get upset if you say "HAPPY CHRISTMAS" or even
"Happy Hanuka". Get a grip and quite worrying about how some yo-yo is
going to feel when you wished him "HAPPINESS". Get as spine or a set of nadz and say "Happy Kwanzaa!" to someone and if they get offend wish them a very very Merry "F**K U!"